songs about NOT love bc EW

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Every song I seem to listen to recently leads me to stress because I find a way to make the lyrics relate to my dumb boy problems!! Here is a little playlist I whipped up with all the songs I saw on my itunes and knew off the top of my head have nothing to do with boys/relationships/love. Sometimes we just need a break from all the “romance”! Finding songs that don’t remind you of someone (especially when you’re scrutinizing those songs because you’re worried about messing up on your playlist) is actually kind of hard! So sorry if any of these songs make anybody think of romance and you all of a sudden want to murder somebody again. [EDIT: For example, Take Your Time (Acoustic) is a very very beautiful song by Fun. but is accidentally ALL about love so skip this one (track 6 up there but track 5 on the 8tracks…I had some struggles) if you want maybe….] Also sorry for my wild taste in music….

to listen to the full playlist on my 8tracks click here!! (in which space oddity and west coast refused to upload my apologies!!!)

welcome to a mess of heathers the musical and i talk about being brave??

I’ve tried pretty much everything on the internet – from aim to ello; I’m your girl. But the one thing I’ve never done is really actually seriously blog about my life. I’ve always read blogs/online writers/zines, but I’ve been kind of scared to put myself out there in a more revealing way. So, I guess I now find myself at a point in my life where journaling every night just isn’t cutting it, I feel the need to share my personal life and emotional wellbeing with the whole internet!! (or maybe I’m just a teenage girl with internet access and a lot of opinions…) So here we are. And you, reading this post. Thanks! That’s pretty cool of you!

I’m only a formal person when I feel uncomfortable; when I’m in my element (aka twitter) I type like a three year old who got ahold of their mums iphone. So until I feel totally comfortable posting here, expect these little blurbs to sound a lot like emails from your grandma. I apologize for that in advance.

I feel like I should introduce myself, even though the probability of anybody reading this who doesn’t already know me is slim. My name is Taryn and I am currently living in Toronto. I’ve been here for the past three years (two of which I spent with my parents and brother), and previous to that I lived in Los Angeles, California, so I pretend to have a lot of life experience even though I really don’t. My parents moved back to Los Angeles this summer, and I chose to complete another year of hell oops! I mean high school!!! (pesky autocorrect!) in Toronto while living with my grandparents. I now consider myself to be an adult, as I have to manage my finances all on my own and sometimes go to brunch with my friends without anyone driving me.

Living without my parents is hard. I’ll say that again. Yes, I, Taryn, actually miss living with my parents. LIVING WITHOUT MY PARENTS IS HARD. I know. Let that sink in a bit. I wouldn’t consider myself to be a brave person in any way, but the number of times in the past month I’ve been told these words has me convinced that people think otherwise. It made me realize that yes, I might get pretty scared during thunderstorms, and yeah, I’m really scared of the entire science department at my school, but I take risks in my life that some other people wouldn’t, such as living independently at my age. So I started to think it was cool that people saw me as a brave person. A little bit like Leslie Knope! Who doesn’t want to be compared to Leslie Knope?! But, being told that I’m so strong and brave and daring a million gazillion times in the past month has also made me a little bit scared to admit that I’m NOT that person that people think I am, sometimes I cry a bit and just want to hug my parents! I’m not really the adult I pretend to be! I don’t know how to ask for help as well as I should!

Recently, I had a conversation with a close friend of mine about how I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t as brave as I pretend to be, as people think I am. She assured me that people didn’t actually think I was brave, they just said it so I wouldn’t cry when they asked about my parents. (She was joking I think) After I hit her in the stomach, she told me that it’s okay not to be brave ALL the time. I AM brave for doing this. I am brave for putting on a brave face when I’m scared. I’m brave for letting myself cry (maybe not in math class…that wasn’t my best moment, but you get the point!) She told me that I don’t have to act like this brave strong person all the time, because nobody expects me to be like that 24/7. It’s okay for me to have rough days and miss my parents. After I hit her in the stomach again for acting so cheesy, I gave her a hug.

I didn’t really mean for this to get so sappy, I just kind of wanted to express my love for Heathers the Musical, but I guess instead of listing a bunch of things that I like, this is a pretty good alternative as a look into who I am as a person. I hate thunderstorms and crying in public, I’m really scared of dinner parties, and I love buying birthday presents. My name is Taryn, I’m a massive crybaby, and this is the introduction to my blog.